Up on melancholy hill

The last 2-3 weeks I've been terribly tired, though I probably get much more sleep than most of the world. The problem is probably that I wake up in every few hours and if I do sleep, I see very detailed and abstract dreams that are not exactly good for resting.
This morning my first thought was that I have to check my msn log to see if a really weird conversation really did take place or if I saw it in a dream. And indeed, it had happened. It seemed that I had woken up at 5 AM, opened my computer (like every morning) and then fell back asleep.
About 10 minutes later, I woke up and saw that someone had talked to me in msn. He had said that it's a bit unusual time to be awake. Indeed it was.. I was surprised when I saw the time and told him that I think I'll go back to sleep.
Somehow, it seemed really abstract at morning. It just seemed so weird, that conversation. I was more than half-asleep when I was talking with him...

Into the New World

I want to tell you, even though the sad times have already past
Close your eyes and feel, how you affect my mind, how you attract my gaze.
[...]
I love you, just like this. The longed end of wandering.
I leave behind this world's unending sadness.
Walking the many and unknowable paths, I follow a dim light.
It's something we'll do together to the end, into our new world.

What are you living for?

Tühi tunne on. Ma olen kogu oma elu (well, selle osa, mida mäletan...) oodanud uut Potteri raamatut või filmi ja nüüd.. on see kõik läbi. Mis nüüd?
Kahju on ka sellest, et ma ei tunne peaaegu kedagi, kes oleks sama obsessed Potteri osas, kui mina.
Well, õnneks on mul siiski üks asi veel, mis mulle on saanud lühikese aja jooksul peaaegu sama oluliseks, kui Potter. (:

Jälle teen ma seda, mis on vist osake mu loomusest.. Mõtlen välja suuri plaane sellest, mida kõike ma teen (õmblen kõiksugused kostüüme larpideks ja cosplay'ks, teen amv, proovin luua tantsu jne) ning lõpptulemusena... Kukun ma kokku enne, kui midagi korralikult tehagi jõuan ja kõik plaanid lendavad vastu taevast. Kokkuvõttes vedelen ma lõpuks voodis, suutmata midagi teha.
I.. just.. don't know what to do about it.

***

And as always, I'm too stuck in the past. I miss last year's autumn. I got along with few people much better than I do now.. Well, I really don't talk with them much nowadays.

***

Still up and down.

Masendav tuju jälle. Nägin esinemise fotosid, ma ei olnud ühelgi õige poosiga. Üldse olin näost ära. Samas ma ka ei imesta, kogu see päev oli minu jaoks üsna kohutav.
Lisaks meenuvad mulle jälle vanemad sündmused, nii tugevalt, et hing jäi hetkeks kinni. Ning seda kõike lihtsalt mõndade vanemate postituste lugemisest. Mul on liiga hea mälu selliste asjade meeles pidamises.
The good thing is that I was able to cry.
Nojah.. Ma kujutasin ette, et suudan natuke pikema postituse kirjutada.. so much about that. :]