Okay, enough of that. I am sick and tired of always stomping myself onto the ground. I have my mistakes and I am shitty enough not to take care of them, but even then, I am not half that bad. In fact, I might even be pretty awesome every once in a while.
And every once in a while, it's the other people that are shitty and self-absorbed and do their best to blame me, so they wouldn't have to think about their own problems. So I have been constantly taking that damage, just to hold onto friendships. But obviously friendships don't really stay that way either, so I don't see any point in always trying to find the fault in me.
I think I broke off two relationships with people I really cared about this week. Oh well.
Now let's hope this self-positivity will stay with me for a while.
It’s interesting. Missing someone or something. You think that talking to someone about that someone or something would make things whole again and for a second it might even really seem so, it’s presence still there, but then you suddenly find yourself disconnected. It’s not the same. Listening to the music isn’t the same. Remembering things is useless. How could things turn out like this in the matter of weeks, even days actually?
But you never know which one is it this time.
There are times where you are not sure if you should help someone, delve into their psychology and understand their thoughts. They will be so disappointed if you do nothing. Do you not care about them? Did you not notice the signs? You failed to pass a test.
And sometimes it feels like a person might want you to notice them unable to deal with things, clawing around in pain.
You think you see the signs. You are sure that if you are just there for them, things will work out. Well... why the fuck are you so fucking nosy all thefuckingtime?! Keep to yourself, they are fine, there is no help needed! They will deal with the pain themselves. And you are a disgustingly curious person, always putting your nose where it shouldn't be, wanting to know other people's secrets. Wanting to help. Jesus, get a life, will you?!